or at least that’s the idea i got after playing some of pottermore.
like dementors, they can come whenever they like, without you noticing, no need for your permission.
like dementors, they embrace you fast, even before you finish blinking your eyes and try to grasp what is happening.
like dementors, they choke you to a slow death, hence you gradually wither, shrivel; peeling the layers of energy you have so that there’s nothing left to fight back.
but anyway there are two polar ways of facing dementors, as written in the books :
one, you surrender, give up anything; submitting to the hell-hole of painful, protracted demise. you succumb dearly to be kissed by the creature of the darkness, leaving out all good memories behind, waving the white flag of forfeiture.
or two, you fight off, retaliate in full force, hold tight to your life, struggle to spell the strongest patronus charm ever, so dementors can’t even lay its single finger on you. then you can try continuing your little steps to the seeking of sunrise’s warmth.
once again, as told in the stories, half people subdued to the overwhelming power that excruciatingly clawed on their skins. in the positive light, some others chose to strive back, and everything turned out well.
nah, the options are there, ready to be taken, not without the risks following though.
but it does start with a mainstream sentence :
HAPPY NEW YEAR WOOHOO /O/
so 2012 was one of kind year for me. some scenes were sad enough to successfully shatter me into pieces, some other phases were too mindblowingly full of joys that i didn’t even remember i’d ever had those hurt moments earlier.
somehow i need to express my endless platonic love for karen and andhin. this is creepily cheesy, this is so not me. but at least once in a decade, i need to tell you two this : thank you for being my side, that time. you two were, are, and i hope will forever be the people on earth i’d give my faith and trust. you are the people outside my family to whom i can say anything and everything without judging me. i … love you. okay remember it because i ain’t gonna say it anymore until another year of light comes.
this year i also met dhilla, michelle, and bidary, in that order. three strangest people i’ve ever known yet for no and many particular reasons we hang around together perfectly (in more than one way). we live in the same spheres of sarcasms and jokes, guess that’s why we work well. i had the chance to meet michelle and bidary too, that was one of the day i won’t forget forever because HOW DO I EVEN LIVE UP THOSE CRAZY SELCA MOMENTS IN KOPITIAM YOU GUYS HAHAHAHAHA— and dhilla we should meet soon. i hope we can get closer than ever, D, M, and B :))) /scuzi but i vomit on my own emoticon
the last one i met tlist with its wonderful people. there were shermaine at first, then the second wave was gee dan salma rania lauren and paui, and then it was like BOOM BOOM BOOM with lynn hanna jiji kei lisa rui swee maria frances unnir yennie and others i can’t name one by one but you’re all precious okay bbuing bbuing.
ah and to add in the list, pupo my forever real life partner in crime is also coming to the town of fandom. congrats boo welcome to the darkness. give me more of our otp yay.
so happy new year bitchacos let’s spam more let’s love more but i don’t love you okay xoxo bye
36 flawless acoustic songs in one-go; my savior for the past couple of weeks and still going on.
well seems like the title is a bit biased, since not liking something usually means that you’re not going to give any damn care about it. but i can’t bring myself to say ‘ignorant’ though, i still keep faith that i’m not that much of insensitive type. i keep faith.
so the funny fact is, lately i just found out via little chit-chats with my mates that i have been long gone behind the hottest gossips of my campus.
the mini talks started out with me saying, “hey guys i just knew that senior A is dating with senior B.” and my buddies were all popping their eyes out (not literally, though) while (a little bit of) screaming, “OH MY GOD WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN KNOCK KNOCK THAT IS SO OOOOOOOOOOOOLD HELLOOOOOO!”
then all i could do was staring at them with such lost eyes and retorted weakly, “and i also just figured out that our friend C is actually going out with senior D…” came again the super essited wails, “OH COME ON ARE YOU KIDDING ME IT WAS LIKE AGES AGO AND DO YOU KNOW THAT EVEN BEFORE DATING WITH HIM SHE WAS, LIKE, GETTING VERY CLOSE WITH SENIOR E AND SENIOR F AND— don’t tell me you don’t know that G is accepted in that prestigious group in our campus.”
i sat there with an amused smile plastered on my face, a bit of shaking my head here for confirming my zero knowledge of the latest juicy news and a lot of low chuckles there for the unhidden frustation coming from my mates who keep stating that i’m so un-informed.
"how come you don’t know these?"
pardon me, isn’t it supposed to be “how come you all know these?”
because really, is it that interesting to peep through other people’s personal lives? i am not throwing any fits nor being offensive, it’s just, does it really matter, knowing bits of secrets that are supposed to stay cool down, or maybe unknown, for personal reasons, to public? the gossips i said above are just simpler examples which are okay to be known by mass of people, but the problem is i have heard more private ones and those are the ones i’m talking about.
well i have been living a life which respects the existence of privacy. i am not the kind of hunting unleashed facts and feeling proud that i am the first one to know and perhaps being a little smug that hey i know your secrets xoxo.
it’s not that i never listen to the gossips being gushed right in my left and right whenever i stand or sit everywhere in campus, it’s just i choose not to be aware. because for everything’s sake, does it give any benefits for me? my life is already complicated enough with the inhuman deadlines of tasks and organizing events and taking care of my family, why do i need to complicate it much further by minding other people’s business? hello, i have other important things to do and take care of.
the conclusion? guess i’ll just forever sit there calmly while my buddies are busy trading latest hottest juiciest gossips, drinking on my water or munching the chips while giving some proper nods and yes-es whenever it is needed.
because in this lifetime, i believe as much as in the previous and after ones of mine, gossiping is not my forte.
goodbye august, hello september.
goodbye rains, hello rainbows.
needless to lie, the few couples of months had been giving some
good hard times for me. concluding in one sentence, it was time of learning life. i saw things i hadn’t even imagined to see. i heard words i hadn’t ever expected to listen to. i fell to the deep abyss of agony, fulfilled with the seemingly never ending sobs and wails. i failed to bring together the scattered pieces of my soul for quite some times.
but see, those are written in past tense though, as i finally figure out that world isn’t that wicked and mean after all. i just need some good amount of time to gain my confidence again, to take the next step and continue my life as if nothing really ever happened. most likely that sounds a bit tinted with lies, but who are you to judge me (insert smiley emoticon here).
i’m saying goodbye to the weak me, waving hands while cutely grinning ear-to-ear to whatever trying to get me down again. i’m not intending to lose the battle since this very moment.
i’m saying hello to the future, even if i don’t know what it will do to me even for the very next second. it may hurt, it may harm. but it also may be colorful tiny pixels of happiness and good memories that will piece together and create a beautiful picture to carve on my mind. whatever may happen in the future, i will treat it like a gentleman, though (why am i saying this i’m not even a man).
so what is this, a congratulatory post? i’m not really sure myself either. /shrugs
~KEEP CALM AND GANGNAM STYLE~
Your eyes are the windows of your heart;
And your heart is the door to your soul.
Then if your eyes are dull, lightless, shaded, gray, ashen;
Do you think I can believe a simple “I’m okay”?
Look straight into my eyes,
And say that one more time, if you dare.
those lines above were supposed to be an opening for a fanfiction of mine, pretty much inspired from real life though. up until this time, i still can’t comprehend why people still bother to spill lies from their lips while in fact their eyes can be a thousand times more honest than they can expect. say some people are senseless, or maybe it’s just me who is already too trained to differ between blacks and whites.
some people say, “sometimes it’s better to tell white lies for everyone’s sake.” but personally i’m keeping faith in “the bitterest truth is still sweeter than the sweetest lie.” because no matter how sugary it may sound, lies still gloriously stand there with its untrue matters, even if only for the slightest scratch.
don’t keep it as a habit, lying. in the end it will only give hurt and break faiths.
as time goes by, most probably you are going to unleash the layers of life.
when you were four, you believed that life was full of candies and rainbows. years later, you found out mostly in the bitter part.
when you were seven, you had faith that your own prince charming was currently hiding somewhere, preparing for the right time to act. only to get your bubble of hope got dispersed into thin air in a subtle sound of ‘pop!’.
somehow, somewhere in the journey you will start to figure out, your perfectly-imagined-and-made little world is shaking, crumbling into nothing-ness, pieces to pieces. you fight hard to gather the scattering bits, clutching tightly to them, trying to build the spheres again, and again, and again. yet to find yourself failing, more, and more, and more.
then you stop believing. and you stop trying. and the universe is suddenly being a total meanie for you. you give up on your idealism. because you can only struggle by being realistic.
this world is not that beautiful, baby. not only contains with the cheap love stories and fugly broken hearts.
what did i just write i don’t even know.
don’t know how to smile, have long forgotten how to cry.
a shell without a soul, with the scatter of broken holes.
the eyes have lost the light, already absorbed in the darkness of cruel night.
smiling but the eyes don’t, laughing but the heart isn’t.
half faked, the rest forced.
and the only thing wanted is being dispersed into thin air.
you are not cinderella, whose hell-like life can be changed into wonderful one because you accidentally have the chance to meet your prince. you don’t (and most probably can’t) have any mother fairy in real life, fyi.
you are not aurora, who are fabulously beautiful, loved, and perfect but then put into a deep slumber state for a hundred years due to a curse from someone who envies you too much. two things : you can’t be all so gorgeous without having any flaws, and you can’t be still so pretty after a hundred years have passed either.
you are not jasmine, the only exotic princess ever made in cartoon history, having a super huge castle and some more than thousands of golds in your pocket, eventually get your true love. believe me, nearly 99% of men’s population in this world is consisted of jerks. i’m saying the cruel truth.
simply stating and concluding, you can’t have a super awesome life without the black nodes underlies behind.
behind the beauty, there’ll always be the pain.
behind the seemingly fine love story, there’ll always be the heartbreak.
if you are still living in the so-called fairytale life, wake up right now. land on earth as soon as possible before your wings aren’t that strong to provide you soaring up high in the sky anymore.
i don’t even know what i’m writing. don’t bother to read either, really.